This cover story explores rising divorce rates in India, highlighting family conflicts, their impact on children, and the importance of mediation
Rising
Divorce Rates in India:
Unveiling the Emotional Toll on Families and Children
By Prime Point Srinivasan, Mg. Editor
(This cover story explores rising divorce rates in India,
highlighting family conflicts, their impact on children, and the importance of
mediation)
This is the Cover Story published in the Oct 2024 edition of PreSense
Conflicts
are inevitable in human interaction, arising at various levels of society. On a
global scale, nations engage in disputes over resources, ideologies, and
territorial boundaries, often leading to wars and strained diplomatic
relations. Conflict of ideologies and personal ambitions within political
parties can disrupt governance and destabilise systems designed to serve
the public. Even on an individual level, disagreements occur in various
settings, affecting personal relationships, business partnerships, and
communities. These conflicts, regardless of scale, influence how people
interact, fostering division and mistrust.
A
more intimate and personal realm lies at the heart of these broader tensions:
family conflicts, particularly between husbands and wives. If unresolved, these
disagreements often lead to separation or divorce, with children bearing the
brunt of the emotional fallout. This cover story delves into the dynamics of
such conflicts and the impact on familial bonds and explores ways to
mediate disputes in the interest of protecting the well-being of children.
Rising Divorce Rates: A Global and Indian Perspective
According
to recent data, 13 out of every 1,000 Indian marriages end in divorce, a
significant increase compared to 10 years ago when the rate was only 1 in
1,000. The divorce rate is much higher in developed countries like the US, UK,
Germany, France, and Australia, though India still fares better due to various
cultural factors. However, even in India, particularly in states such as
Maharashtra, West Bengal, Delhi, Karnataka, and Tamil Nadu, the number of
divorce cases has steadily increased over the past decade.
For
instance, even in a traditionally conservative city like Chennai, family courts
have risen from three to ten over the last ten years. This trend is alarming.
PreSense spoke to advocates, counsellors, and children from separated families,
and in many cases, 'ego' is identified as a major factor leading to separation.
Key Reasons for Conflict in Marriages
“Ten
years ago, couples with around 5 to 7 years of marriage typically approached
family courts for divorce. Now, we see couples filing for divorce after only
one or two years of marriage,” says V. Kannadasan, Hon’ble Member of the State
Human Rights Commission, Tamil Nadu and
former President of the Family Courts Advocates Association, Chennai.
In
April 2024, a Supreme Court bench comprising Justices Surya Kant and P.S.
Narasimha observed, “We are amazed to see what kinds of marriages are taking
place today. They marry in 2021, by 2022 or 2023 they are filing cases against
each other, and by 2024, we have transfer petitions before us.”
A.S.
Fathima Muzaffer, a Lawyer and a Senior family Counsellor, notes that this
trend is most prevalent among the urban, educated middle and upper-middle
classes, cutting across regions and castes. "Economic independence of
women, infertility, infidelity, and incompatibility are major reasons why couples
prefer divorce. Domestic violence and drug or alcohol addiction are also
significant factors. In some cases, parents or extended family members exert
undue pressure, worsening the situation," adds Fathima.
Changing Social Dynamics
Generally,
couples in the 25 to 35 age group are more prone to conflicts, with women
filing for divorce more often than men. Fathima explains the generational shift
in expectations between husbands and wives.
In
the first generation of grandparents, grandmothers were less educated and fully
dedicated to managing the household. In the second generation, men, having seen
their mothers devote themselves entirely to domestic responsibilities, expected
their wives to do the same. However, second-generation women, being more
educated, often took up jobs, balancing both career and family life. Husbands
in this generation were still largely uninvolved in domestic duties.
In
the third generation, men, having seen their mothers juggle both roles, now
expect their wives to do the same. But today’s women, better educated and more
career-focused, expect their husbands to share household responsibilities. This
mismatch in expectations often leads to conflict. "Parents should educate
their sons about modern gender dynamics before marriage to ensure smoother
relationships," suggests a young married woman in her 30s from Mumbai.
The Impact on Children
Kannadasan
highlights the trauma experienced by children who are brought to court during
their parents' divorce proceedings. “The judicial system follows the law, not
emotions. Unfortunately, in their ego battles, parents often overlook the
emotional trauma their children endure,” he explains. “Indian laws do not
adequately address the needs of children from separated families. We need more
effective legislation to safeguard their well-being,” adds Kannadasan. Fathima
agrees and confirms that there are no proper guidelines for advocates when the
children are examined in the courts.
Fathima
notes that a recent American study reveals that many juvenile offenders in the
US come from families of separated parents. “Parents often forget the trauma
they inflict on their children when they go to court for divorce. Their focus
tends to be on themselves,” she adds.
One
woman, who was separated from her father at the age of 13 due to her parents'
divorce, recalls the emotional void she felt during her teenage years.
“Thankfully, a family friend mentored me, offering the emotional support I
missed from my biological father. Every day, I would call him at 8 p.m. to
share my day's routine. He listened patiently, advised, and encouraged me. A
biological father is very important for a child during their formative years,”
she says with tears rolling down her cheeks.
Case Study: Resolving Conflict in a Public Sector Bank
A
public sector bank in a major metropolitan city, with more than 40 officers
spread across three adjoining buildings and four floors, experienced a series
of conflicts and strained relationships between the management and employees.
This tension affected customer service, leading to complaints. Despite the
issue persisting for over a year, no action was taken to understand and resolve
the problem.
The
author of this article, who was the President of the Officers' Association in
that region, was invited by the management to mediate. A meeting was convened
with all officers, including the branch head, immediately after office hours.
Each participant was given a blank piece of paper and asked to write down their
top three grievances anonymously. Two members of the audience then tabulated
the responses during the meeting itself.
Surprisingly,
almost all participants highlighted two common grievances: the lack of drinking
water and the absence of attendants to move documents between buildings during
office hours. These were relatively minor issues that could be resolved
quickly. With the branch head present, the grievances were addressed on the
spot, and from the next day onwards, the branch functioned smoothly.
This
exemplifies how a seemingly insignificant issue can escalate into a major
conflict if left unaddressed.
In
conflicts, whether within organisations or between individuals, a core issue often
underpins the disagreements. Identifying this core issue is key to resolving
the conflict effectively.
Conflict Resolution in Families
A
few decades ago, joint families were more common, and elders would step in to
resolve minor disputes within the family. Without ego, everyone compromised to
some extent in the interest of the family and children. However, with the rise
of nuclear families, where only the husband, wife, and children live together,
younger, educated generations tend to believe they "know everything"
and avoid seeking guidance from elders.
Often,
family conflicts arise from a lack of communication and ego clashes. Infidelity
and infertility are becoming increasingly common sources of grievance. Medical
experts point out that lifestyle changes and junk food consumption have
contributed to rising infertility rates. Even two Chief Ministers have
expressed concern over the low birth rate this week.
Medical
experts suggest that couples undergo thorough medical check-ups before marriage
to avoid future conflicts related to health issues.
The Path Forward
Divorce
doesn’t just tear apart two lives; it fractures entire families, leaving scars
that often take a lifetime to heal. Children caught in the crossfire lose
the sense of security and love that every child deserves. We must reflect on
our parents, partners, and community members' roles in fostering
understanding and empathy as a society. Conflict is inevitable, but resolution
requires humility, compromise, and communication. Let us remember that love,
patience, and forgiveness can rebuild what ego and pride tear apart. For the
sake of our children and future generations, we must learn to heal, not harm.
Always remember: It's better to lose an argument and
strengthen the relationship than to win and weaken it
Tips for conflict resolution
Podcast
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